My Story of Emotional Pain, Growth and Blessings
When I was six, my grandfather died suddenly while napping. I was shocked, it was my first encounter with death. My young self could not comprehend this tragic loss. I became paralyzed by fear that I, too, would die if I went to sleep.
Throughout my life from six years old on, I remember being afraid of literally everything. I was always on guard for what might happen to cause death. I desperately wanted to experience the world, but I could never explore too far away from the safety of home and my parents. I would watch other kids, my cousins and friends. They all seemed so carefree, what was wrong with me? I grew to hate the life that I was living. I felt so stifled. I “lived" within a prison of the possibility of impending doom.
My constant fear impacted my digestion and I suffered stomach pain that kept me out of school many days at a time. I missed half of my freshman year of high school and my school counselors didn’t think I would be able to graduate with my class. Luckily I was able to catch up, and graduated on time. Then a year and a half after graduation, my grandmother died suddenly re-awakening my panic.
The panic attacks became overwhelming. I was afraid to be alone or in public. I became agoraphobic, too afraid to even leave my home. As I was growing up, therapy wasn’t something people did unless you were institutionalized. The doctors didn’t know the terms, panic and anxiety disorder, I was deemed a “nervous kid”, and given medicine, which I didn’t want to take. I was desperate to get to the root of what I was experiencing.
I was introduced to the head of psychiatry at the IU Med Center. He introduced me to hypnosis and taught me self hypnosis. I had never felt so relaxed in my life! I then joined a self help cognitive behavior group and met others with similar experiences. I was not alone! I finally felt some hope of deepening my understanding of fear, anxiety, and panic. I finally saw a path that could lead to healing!
I started studying how the brain and the body interact. I finally understood what was happening and how I could control the way I felt. What an awakening. I got better!!
My story like a good novel has had many ups and downs, many surprises and disappointments, so many emotions. Through it all I have learned so many things, how to love, how to forgive, how to be strong, how to give and how to receive, how to turn my story into victory.
I truly believe that life happens for us, not to us. For us to learn, to grow, to become all that we can be. I would not be the woman that I am today with the strength to go through life with its ups and downs, to be able to help people with their stories to heal, if I hadn’t had my story to learn and grow from. I am grateful and blessed for my story!
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Cathy Boone-Black
www.indianaintegrativehypnosis.com 317-706-0306